Hospitals, emergencies, and unknowns…our health can be a great interruption in our lives and can take us away from the things that we desire to accomplish.  There is a reality that our lives are finite and the time that we have needs to be stewarded well.  Last week was a hospital week for me.  I have a history of gastric bleeds and this one required hospitalization and a blood transfusion.  To say I was sobered was an understatement.  But these are the best teachable moments we have and here are some of the things I learned or was once again reminded of:

• Relationships are most important.  Right before I went to the hospital, my wife asked me if I was afraid.  I told her no I wasn’t, but I was sad in thinking that I might not see my grandchildren grow up and I would miss her and my kids.
• God speaks loudly through our pain.  If ever there were a time to realize that I am not in control it’s when I’m ill.  God is in control and I am better for acknowledging it and accommodating myself to where He is taking me.
• I need to take care of my body.  I am an American (with German heritage!) and I push myself too hard and don’t care for my physical body as I should.  Nothing like an IV in your arm to remind me that I need to pay more attention to my physical needs.
• I need to use my time well.  Our lives here on earth are finite and I need to avail myself of the time allotted to me in such a way as to wring every drop of life out of every minute I live.

I could go on, but you get the gist of where I’m going.  If you read this, it’s just a friendly reminder to stay focused on the things that matter: your relationship with God, your loved ones, and the tasks that God has privileged you to perform on earth.  Everything else is fluff.

Jim

When we are in a place of marital distress, there are several natural responses that may be working against us.  One of those responses is to spend every waking (and every dreaming) moment trying to figure out how to improve our marriage.  It is understandable. We are worried about our future, or very unhappy, or sick of our situation, and/or pretty darn angry. 

What this response looks like is arguing with your spouse in your head, obsessing about how little your spouse has changed, thinking about how unhappy you are, critiquing your spouses every move, strategizing about how you can compel them to change, and many more possibilities.

My next blog will be for the “Avoider” of conflict, but this blog is for the “Pursuer”.  The Pursuer is the one who normally tries to fix the relationship, the one who can talk about the marriage for hours on end, the wife who can list her husband’s faults in alphabetical order, for the husband who calls his wife 20 times a day.  I think you know who you are.  

Sometimes, our most natural and instinctual reactions are the ones most capable of hurting our spouse.  They are also the ones we need to pay attention to the most.  If you are the “Pursuer” in your relationship, but you don’t feel like your chasing is helping your relationship, I suggest the following beginning step:  Think less about your spouse.  Stop trying to change them.  Spend more time and energy thinking about what you can do to be a better spouse.  Find some ways to have more fun in your life.  Go out with some friends. Take an art class.  Join a Bible Study.  Think about going after the goals and dreams that you are putting off until you feel better in your marriage. Give your spouse a little space.  Back off a little bit, and who knows, maybe that space you create will be exactly what is needed.

Laura 

It’s been raining all weekend and it’s an unusual amount coming off the summer thunderstorms where you’ll have downpours one minute and bright sunshine the next.  These rains were soakers and the sun did not shine through once for over 36 hours.  A friend of mine mentioned to me that he loved weekends like the one we just had, all wet and gray with soot-covered cotton-ball clouds.  When I asked why he said, “It just changes things up… it lets me know that cool weather is finally coming.” 

All Floridians long for cool weather coming out of summers that are white-hot with daily temperatures in the mid to upper nineties.  My son, who lives in Seattle, longs for the sun and heat of Washington’s August and September.  I guess it’s all a matter of perspective and learning to adapt to where we are in our experience.  In fact, I guess perspective is everything, when you get right down to it.  Will my perspective be one that will allow me to see the positive in every circumstance?  Will it lead me to see what God’s viewpoint is as compared to my own?  Someone in Florida who longs for cool rainy weather has a perspective that is carved out of a heat-filled summer.  Someone in Washington who covets warmth and sunshine has a longing that has been soaked in the cold and rainy days of the Northwest. 

Our longing is a reminder that things are not going to be perfect on this earth and that something better is coming.  This does not mean that we cannot embrace the reality of where we are and wring God’s blessings out of every moment.  And the change of the seasons is to me, a reminder that God is continually inviting us into personal change, change that leads to growth.  I invite you to ask God for His perspective on your life, and once you have it, ask Him for the ability to continue to grow.

Jim

It doesn’t take long once you hear the newscasts and read the papers to figure out that we live in chaotic times.  Japan’s tragedy, Libya’s upheaval, gas prices skyrocketing, and the economy still in the doldrums… all these are a reminder that all is not as it should be.  Life, in the words of M. Scott Peck is “difficult”.  I am reminded during times like this that I continually long for life to line up and be perfect.  I want my ducks in a row.

Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it will not happen.  Right about the time when things start going well, something breaks down: a car, a relationship, a body, or a dream.  After some time it will leave you in despair asking the question, “Who’s in charge here?”  The answer is found in Jesus’ words to his disciples in Matthew 6:28 ff: “And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the lilies of the field grow.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire , will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?”  The answer is not cliché, it is reality.  God’s in charge here…

So as you go about this week, take a minute, 60 seconds, to center and reflect on the fact that whatever happens, whoever is hurting, there is a greater purpose and a Greater Power at work in all that transpires.  “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  God’s in charge here…

Jim