I spent the weekend with the flu.  Not that this is anything that you necessarily wanted to know, but it really is how I spent the last two days.  Without describing in detail my symptoms, let me just say that it is very frustrating to deal with continual, annoying, and debilitating pain.  Therefore the subject of this blog is suffering.  Here are a few things about suffering that this weekend reminded me of:

Pain is a show-stopper.  It takes all our energy just to do the basics of life.

Pain is an attention grabber.  It’s difficult to focus on anything else.

Pain is a joy-sucker.  It’s hard to be happy when we’re in pain.

Pain is a relationship-damper.  It’s hard to be loving and other-centered when we are just trying to survive the day.

Pain is a hope-stealer.  “When will I get better?” is the unanswerable question.

If you’re dealing with pain – physical, emotional, or relational, it has the tendency to do all the above.  The antidote is to reduce life to what really matters: our relationship with God and our relationships with those we truly love.  The only steps that were constrictive this weekend were steps taken towards others: my wife, my friends, and God.   That’s still the place where meaning is found and joy will continue to come.  Don’t let the pain distract you from taking steps that will bring about healing.  

Jim Keller 

Christmas time is always fraught with peril.  Not the physical peril of a military man or woman, but it’s loaded with emotional battles and relational pitfalls.  I think that it’s because everyone secretly wants an ideal Christmas, even those Scrooges who say they don’t like the holiday season.  They’re all just jaded liars, secretly hoping that somehow the “magic” of the season tidal waves them into a sense of love and well-being.

It’s probably important to note that the first Christmas wasn't a very pleasant experience for the principles involved:  the drama of a first pregnancy and an imminent delivery, the sadness of being away from home and the anxiety of not being able to find a place of privacy so this baby could be born.  Talk about a stressful holiday!  But in the midst of the turmoil, angels sang, poor shepherds came and worshiped, and a young couple put the pieces together of an altogether extraordinary experience.  God showed up!  We at Charis pray that your Christmas season, while full of stress, anxiety, and sometimes sadness, will also be filled with God’s presence and a very clear reminder that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.  Merry Christmas!

Jim

Recently, I sat down with a family member who asked me how my day had been going. I started to share about an afternoon of putting up the Christmas tree and drinking some delicious hot cider when she interrupted with, "Do you like how I moved that picture?". Ouch! Now I wasn't sharing any deep or life shattering thoughts, but it still stung a little to realize that she didn't appear to be all that interested in what I was saying. I left feeling a little deflated and also wondering if I had ever done that to someone (which I'm sure I have).  At Summit Church last night Pastor Isaac suggested that there were two kinds of people in the world, "Here I Am!" kinds of people or "There You Are!" kinds. That definitely felt to me like a "here I am" moment.  

What kind of person are you? When you walk into a room are you seeking to make those around you feel loved and cared for or are you more looking to have your own anxieties and needs met? Does it change depending on the situation? What I realized is I am far more lax with the people I feel the closest to. It seems they get the worst part of me, when in fact they should be getting the best.  So how do we become more focused on others?

• First and foremost allow God to define who you are; don't look to others to tell you.
• Be purposeful with your actions and thoughts, try not to allow yourself to go on "autopilot" or let your mind wander.  
• Listen actively! Ask follow up questions and listen for the response. Engage.

Of course this doesn't mean you can never lean on a friend, or look to others for help, but as we enter into this Christmas Season lets remember to be focused outward and strive to show love, Christ's love, to those around us. 

Julia

The street lights are up, the trees are decorated (or are in process of being decorated) and Santa sits in his big chair in the mall. With all the hustle and bustle it seems like everyone is happy and joyous that the Christmas Season has come. For many, it is all an illusion. We still sit in very hard economic times on very tight budgets and strained family relationships. Many are without family and many have family that are so toxic for them that they have no desire to see them during this time.

Whatever your situation is coming into this season, I think it is important that we remember what the season is really about, and that is the birth of Christ. As the cliche would go "Christ is the reason for the season". Sometimes having a bigger, greater perspective helps us get through hard circumstances. I pray that God will meet you where you are, and if we at Charis Counseling can be of any help, we would love to do so.

Merry Christmas!

Melissa

The summer months seem to be filled with family vacations with immediate and extended family.  And, as much fun as they can be, they can also be stressful.  The stress is usually an indicator that there is something "undone" in a relationship.  If you are not in the place emotionally (or perhaps it may not be the right time to address the situation) a good solution is to walk away for a moment, collect your thoughts, and figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself until the time is right to address the issues. Sometimes you might need a third party to help sort it through. Objectivity is important in order to maintain and grow a relationship. 

Don't let undone issues get in the way of good family time this summer. At some point, take the time to work them through.

Melissa