My youngest daughter is notorious for having a difficult time following instructions.  As a younger child, she had a difficult time remembering and staying focused on the instructions given.  Now it is more that she is overwhelmed with the mess around her.  Perhaps sometimes I expected more from her than was possible.  However, I would find myself frustrated that she could not carry out one simple task, such as “Please take your shoes to your room” without repeated reminders.  As she has gotten older, the problem remains.  Cleaning her room is an exercise in torture for everyone involved!  I would prefer to say, “Go clean your room, please,” and have it done in 30 minutes without one more word or whine. 

She is a precious, loving, and sensitive soul and loves to please us, but carrying out instructions is a challenge…with one exception.  She wants us to be with her!  If we go with her to her room, she is a happy little worker.  She smiles, puts away her toys, hangs up her clothes, and all is well in the Demetrician household.  She simply needs our presence.  Hmmm.

I for one am glad that I have a God who both SENDS ME OUT and GOES WITH ME.  Left to my own devices, I can’t “clean the room of my soul” very well without the great Helper’s Presence.   I simply can’t carry out the Father’s desires without His sustaining joy, hope, strength, and insight.  I would be like my sweet daughter, hopelessly defeated and overwhelmed by an extremely messy room.  I am sure I would sit on the floor and cry surrounded by sin, pain, shame, and bitterness knowing I had to do it all on my own.  Our loving Father knows our limited capacity, and HE ACTUALLY WANTS TO HELP US.  He enjoys being with us.  It isn’t annoying to Him, and He doesn’t get tired.  He is not like me, mostly helping my daughter just so it will get done. 

There are messes that need to be cleaned up and places He is sending you, but rest assured, you are not alone.  

Laura

Hospitals, emergencies, and unknowns…our health can be a great interruption in our lives and can take us away from the things that we desire to accomplish.  There is a reality that our lives are finite and the time that we have needs to be stewarded well.  Last week was a hospital week for me.  I have a history of gastric bleeds and this one required hospitalization and a blood transfusion.  To say I was sobered was an understatement.  But these are the best teachable moments we have and here are some of the things I learned or was once again reminded of:

• Relationships are most important.  Right before I went to the hospital, my wife asked me if I was afraid.  I told her no I wasn’t, but I was sad in thinking that I might not see my grandchildren grow up and I would miss her and my kids.
• God speaks loudly through our pain.  If ever there were a time to realize that I am not in control it’s when I’m ill.  God is in control and I am better for acknowledging it and accommodating myself to where He is taking me.
• I need to take care of my body.  I am an American (with German heritage!) and I push myself too hard and don’t care for my physical body as I should.  Nothing like an IV in your arm to remind me that I need to pay more attention to my physical needs.
• I need to use my time well.  Our lives here on earth are finite and I need to avail myself of the time allotted to me in such a way as to wring every drop of life out of every minute I live.

I could go on, but you get the gist of where I’m going.  If you read this, it’s just a friendly reminder to stay focused on the things that matter: your relationship with God, your loved ones, and the tasks that God has privileged you to perform on earth.  Everything else is fluff.

Jim

It is almost as if I can see the walls between some couples when they come in for the first session.   I can actually feel not only the distance, but a self-protective, impenetrable barrier.   The difficult thing is that walls have a purpose; they protect.  They protect from disappointment, rejection, shame, conflict, and being ignored.  We all have self-protective mechanisms that are activated when a threat is perceived.  It is a natural, instinctual response…only it keeps us from fully loving and being loved.   

Walls serve a purpose to reduce the pain that we feel from our spouse, yet walls and barriers perpetuate the lack of connection, expression of tenderness, feeling of love, and giving of oneself that is essential in healthy relationships.   

At some point, it is important for couples to realize that the pain of maintaining the indestructible barrier hurts more than the vulnerability of no defenses.   We have several choices when dealing with a wall in our marriage.  First, we can keep it up, protect ourselves, and perhaps even make it stronger by distancing ourselves, giving less of ourselves, and accepting less of our partner’s love. Our second option is to take it down, brick by brick.  This is done carefully over a long period of time.   It is done through deliberately allowing more and more connection without the need to attack.  Thirdly, we have the option to plow through the wall.  This one is my favorite, and by far the scariest.    

Couples usually come to counseling to be close again. To love and be loved.  To connect, experience joy, and affirm the uniqueness and beauty of one another once again.  So, as I say to some couples, “Do you want to plow through the wall?  I will help you.  I will run right beside you?”   AND, more importantly, Jesus can break down the walls with you.  Breaking through walls is one of the ways to participate in the redemptive story of God.  Yes, it is scary, but remember this…

Jesus is a wall-breaking Savior, and he can give you the strength to break down the walls around you!

Ephesians 2:13,14

^“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.  For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility….”

Laura 

Sundays for me have always been different.  I was raised in a church-going family and there were never any questions as to where we were going on Sunday morning and whether or not we would be on time to church.  Being on time, I was told, was being five minutes early.  And there were certain things that would not happen: family arguments were not just frowned upon, they were forbidden.  My father was the enforcer, and my brothers and I respected him and honored his wishes.  For Dad, his Sunday was a day that wasn’t just some legalistic day set aside for religion, but a day where he could once again find his center, and catch his spiritual breath.

One of Jesus’ major confrontations with the Pharisees was over the observation of the Sabbath.  Jesus regularly healed on the Sabbath, not as a provocateur, but as an affirmation of one of the major purposes of Sabbath rest: to heal and recover.  My father worked five and often six days a week in factories all over northwestern Ohio and southern Michigan.  Those of you with factory experiences will immediately know that they are not centers of spirituality and deep religious thought.  My father dealt with this environment in an authentically Christian manner: he worked hard and he honored God by his words and relationships. I sensed Sundays weren’t just a time of religious duty for my father, but a necessary time for healing.  I watched my father use his Sabbath for three primary purposes…

…to restore energy – My father worked hard and Sundays were a time where he ceased work.  If he had Saturdays off, that was the day for chores and man-duties around the house.  Sunday was for rest.

...to heal – Dad never was sick, to my recollection.  But he used his Sabbath rest to allow God to bring His healing touch to his life.  My father’s best naps were on Sunday afternoon, and when we would watch the Tigers play baseball, he only saw one third of the game because he would contentedly doze off.

…to become whole – Dad would use his time at church to remind him first of his own brokenness, but then be reminded of God’s grace and redemptive touch.  He would comment on our car rides home from church on what he had learned and what his response was.  Church was never tedious for my Dad.  It was seen by him as a necessity in his spiritual growth.

My father, born of German immigrants, is to this day the best example I’ve had of a man who lives an authentic Christian life.  He is also the best example I have had of someone who has embraced the Sabbath as it should be embraced, a day that was set apart for us to more effectively become the people we were created to be.  Thanks, Dad!

Jim