tagged 
action, choices, discipline, feelings, struggles
action, choices, discipline, feelings, struggles Entries in struggles (6)
Following Our Emotions
Monday, November 28, 2011 at 01:42PM While speaking with a friend recently about a significant fork in the road she was facing, she described how she wanted to just “do what she wanted” and forget the rest. Forget her family, forget God, forget her morals. Haven’t we all been there? Now maybe we are not all as honest with ourselves as my friend and we will not say we are “forgetting the rest,” we will simply justify how our happiness or our emotions are more important.
How often do we hear “follow your heart”, or “what are your emotions telling you?” I struggle with this concept. Please don’t get me wrong I am all for paying attention to our emotions as II believe they have their place in our lives and fully ignoring them can be unhealthy. However, what happens when we follow their every whim? Emotional decision making can be dangerous. Following our instincts can lead us into some pretty dark places especially if we follow them without regard to what we know to be true. While thinking on this over the course of this week, I’ve realized that the discipline of putting aside emotions and following what you know to be true is a daily exercise. It is not only important when at some significant crossroad but even more so in the day to day routine of life when we are less apt to be paying attention to ourselves.
“Our instincts are at war...Each instinct, if you listen to it will claim to be gratified at the expense of the rest...” C.S. Lewis
How often do we hear “follow your heart”, or “what are your emotions telling you?” I struggle with this concept. Please don’t get me wrong I am all for paying attention to our emotions as II believe they have their place in our lives and fully ignoring them can be unhealthy. However, what happens when we follow their every whim? Emotional decision making can be dangerous. Following our instincts can lead us into some pretty dark places especially if we follow them without regard to what we know to be true. While thinking on this over the course of this week, I’ve realized that the discipline of putting aside emotions and following what you know to be true is a daily exercise. It is not only important when at some significant crossroad but even more so in the day to day routine of life when we are less apt to be paying attention to ourselves.
“Our instincts are at war...Each instinct, if you listen to it will claim to be gratified at the expense of the rest...” C.S. Lewis
Julia
Breaking Through Walls
Monday, October 3, 2011 at 10:16AM It is almost as if I can see the walls between some couples when they come in for the first session. I can actually feel not only the distance, but a self-protective, impenetrable barrier. The difficult thing is that walls have a purpose; they protect. They protect from disappointment, rejection, shame, conflict, and being ignored. We all have self-protective mechanisms that are activated when a threat is perceived. It is a natural, instinctual response…only it keeps us from fully loving and being loved.
Walls serve a purpose to reduce the pain that we feel from our spouse, yet walls and barriers perpetuate the lack of connection, expression of tenderness, feeling of love, and giving of oneself that is essential in healthy relationships.
At some point, it is important for couples to realize that the pain of maintaining the indestructible barrier hurts more than the vulnerability of no defenses. We have several choices when dealing with a wall in our marriage. First, we can keep it up, protect ourselves, and perhaps even make it stronger by distancing ourselves, giving less of ourselves, and accepting less of our partner’s love. Our second option is to take it down, brick by brick. This is done carefully over a long period of time. It is done through deliberately allowing more and more connection without the need to attack. Thirdly, we have the option to plow through the wall. This one is my favorite, and by far the scariest.
Couples usually come to counseling to be close again. To love and be loved. To connect, experience joy, and affirm the uniqueness and beauty of one another once again. So, as I say to some couples, “Do you want to plow through the wall? I will help you. I will run right beside you?” AND, more importantly, Jesus can break down the walls with you. Breaking through walls is one of the ways to participate in the redemptive story of God. Yes, it is scary, but remember this…
Jesus is a wall-breaking Savior, and he can give you the strength to break down the walls around you!
Ephesians 2:13,14
“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility….”
Laura
Who's in Charge Here?
Monday, March 21, 2011 at 10:43AM It doesn’t take long once you hear the newscasts and read the papers to figure out that we live in chaotic times. Japan’s tragedy, Libya’s upheaval, gas prices skyrocketing, and the economy still in the doldrums… all these are a reminder that all is not as it should be. Life, in the words of M. Scott Peck is “difficult”. I am reminded during times like this that I continually long for life to line up and be perfect. I want my ducks in a row.
Well, I’ve come to the conclusion that it will not happen. Right about the time when things start going well, something breaks down: a car, a relationship, a body, or a dream. After some time it will leave you in despair asking the question, “Who’s in charge here?” The answer is found in Jesus’ words to his disciples in Matthew 6:28 ff: “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire , will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” The answer is not cliché, it is reality. God’s in charge here…
So as you go about this week, take a minute, 60 seconds, to center and reflect on the fact that whatever happens, whoever is hurting, there is a greater purpose and a Greater Power at work in all that transpires. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” God’s in charge here…
Jim
Running Into the Wind
Tuesday, February 8, 2011 at 12:05PM I was having a fairly good run today, my legs felt strong, and I had a good breathing rhythm going. Suddenly, as I rounded the corner I ran smack into a brick wall. Okay maybe not a literal brick wall, but the wind was so strong and pushed back at me so hard that it might as well have been a brick wall. As I struggled against the wind putting one foot in front of the other, I couldn't help but think how much easier it would be if I could just turn around and run in the opposite direction. In changing my direction I would not have to fight the wind and have it at my back. It made me think of an especially tearful session I had this week.
The client was struggling as she attempted to change the direction of her life and make better choices. She felt as if she was fighting with everything she had and going nowhere. With a sob she declared that she should just stop trying and that it would be so much easier to just "go with it". I actually agree with her. Many times it would be a lot easier to "go with it" rather than continue to fight to see the change in our lives. Therefore, where do you want to be in six months, one year, or five years? If you "go with it" you're guaranteed an easier ride, but you are also guaranteed that you will not get where you want to go. You may feel like you're not making any progress, but as long as you continue to fight and put one foot in front of the other you are, at the very least, moving forward.
As I fought the wind and rounded the corner, I was suddenly sheltered by a row of houses and my run once again became pleasant. I was reminded that while we may feel like we're fighting with all we have, struggles do not last forever and there will be a reprieve. If you're struggling today or feel like you are running into the wind, I would encourage you to keep close to God, keep fighting the good fight, even if it would seem easier to give in.
Julia
tagged change, direction, intentions, struggles
change, direction, intentions, struggles Welcome to the Holidays!
Monday, November 29, 2010 at 09:49AM The street lights are up, the trees are decorated (or are in process of being decorated) and Santa sits in his big chair in the mall. With all the hustle and bustle it seems like everyone is happy and joyous that the Christmas Season has come. For many, it is all an illusion. We still sit in very hard economic times on very tight budgets and strained family relationships. Many are without family and many have family that are so toxic for them that they have no desire to see them during this time.
Whatever your situation is coming into this season, I think it is important that we remember what the season is really about, and that is the birth of Christ. As the cliche would go "Christ is the reason for the season". Sometimes having a bigger, greater perspective helps us get through hard circumstances. I pray that God will meet you where you are, and if we at Charis Counseling can be of any help, we would love to do so.
Merry Christmas!
Melissa
tagged family, holidays, relationships, struggles
family, holidays, relationships, struggles