“I can’t believe you’re not married.” “You’re too cute to not be snatched up.” “You’re not dating anyone?”…. These are examples of what I hear as a single woman. It’s not that I do not wish to be married. In fact, I very much desire to find an amazing husband with whom to share my life and raise a family. I’ve been on countless first dates and keep an open mind with every guy I meet. However, I refuse to lower my standards. When counseling an individual who desires to be in a relationship I will tell the client to create a list of “Deal Breakers” and “Deal Makers.” Deal Breakers are absolute necessities and Deal Makers are things that you would like in a spouse but not something that would be grounds for immediate dismissal. The reason the list is important is because if you don’t know what you are looking for, how will you know if you ever find it?
I created my list years ago and since then have used it as a guide to help me determine if I am truly encountering a man with whom I desire to develop a relationship. Unfortunately, there have been times that I strayed from my list and believe me I eventually regretted that decision. I learned that compromising my standards led to disappointment, frustration, and pain. This is why I am not married or in a relationship. Not because I don’t desire one but because I’ve learned that I would rather be alone than to be miserable with the wrong guy.
Certainly every list is personal so it will vary from person-to-person. Examples of my “Deal Breakers” are: being a man of no faith, not having integrity, lacking gentleness, lazy, drug use, abusive, disrespectful, hates to travel, no desire for a family, etc. My “Deal Maker” list includes: plays an instrument, can cook, likes dancing, good sense of style, etc. As you can see the Breakers are the ones that I will not budge on and the Makers would just be extra perks. My love is not based on whether a man is a good dresser, but my choice to even consider him an option is directly related to my Breakers list.
Although, I do hope to be married and have a family, I will not do so without being true to my values. Having my list helps to keep my expectations in place. That way when I do meet my future husband, I will be walking into the relationship knowing he fulfills important desires of my heart. Until then, I’m a happy single woman enjoying my first dates.