Dealing with Hurts
Friday morning I woke up feeling excited. I had prepared a teaching for a group of ladies and could not wait to get to the meeting to share with them. The topic addressed dealing with hurts and pain.
Let’s admit it, hurts are a part of everyday life.
- Someone hurts our feelings,
- betrays our trust,
- or lies about us.
Some have experienced
- or disappointments.
As we become hurt it’s our hurts that block us from becoming who we want to be. In High School I found a saying that I bring up with clients today. And I have them journal on this thought.
I’m not who I think I am and I’m not who you think I am, but I am who I think you think I am.
Think about it. This belief system is based on hurts and trying to figure out how to fit in. How can I belong whether I am true to myself or not?
What is a hurt?
A hurt is an offense that happens to me. It causes mental, emotional or physical pain. It can be a hurt that wounds so deeply I am consciously unaware of the pain. Because I may push the pain deep down inside of me.
- and have physical repercussions such as bulimia and anorexia, eating too much, or drinking alcohol in excess.
Hurts affect us socially as well. If I have been hurt by someone, I may decide to isolate myself so that I am not hurt again. Once considered an extrovert, I become someone who stays at home with the remote as my new friend. It’s too painful out there.
When we hurt, there is pain. And there are 2 paths in dealing with pain: unhealthy and healthy. Instead of processing pain, many people turn to addictions to avoid pain: shopping, religion, work, music, money, power, or affairs. The result of this is guilt, shame and fear of being hurt again. Lack of trust affects our relationships with ourselves, God and with others. This will cause us to choose isolation because it is too painful to interact with others.
We need to deal with this pain. Instead of choosing to push the pain down and ignore it, ask this question:
“What is this pain signifying to me?
Pain is a signal that the wounds are there and need to be addressed. Time does not heal all wounds. If this were true by the time we are elderly, we would be pain free and full of joy.
Pain must be faced and processed. Recognize that pain is a part of life. Because we live in a world full of relationships pain is inevitable. So, how then is pain processed in a healthy manner? Here are the steps to processing, healing and releasing pain.
- Feel the pain. Feel every ounce of it as intensely as possible.
- Express pain and feelings to God.
- God, this hurts me that I was….
- Recognize the source of the pain. (This is what the offender did).
- Example: I was not invited to a friend’s celebration.
- This is how it made me feel.
- (List the feelings): Example: rejected, betrayed, disappointed, shocked, hurt
- This is how it affects me today.
- Example: I walk right past her when I see her at church. I don’t want to talk to her.
- Release the pain to God. “Lord, this hurts and I release this pain to You.”
- I forgive the offender and ask God to forgive him/her.
- Ask God “Forgive me Lord for holding un-forgiveness toward them.”
- Release the offender(s) to God.
- Reject the lies believed that came out of the pain.
- Example: I believed “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not valuable.
- Replace the lies with specific truth.
- Example: I choose to believe “I am loveable.” “I like myself.”
If it is difficult to do this on your own, either ask a friend to help you or find a good counselor who is trained in inner healing.
The ladies in the Bible study loved the material but decided that the way through the process is not an easy one. However they were encouraged that there is a means out of the current way of life. It is true. The process is not easy, but it is necessary.
There is healing for your heart and hope for mending the pain. I encourage you to begin this journey today.
~ Sandra B. Stanford