Loss

The concept of Loss is so large that it is impossible to try to address the vastness of it in a simple blog. The concept, in its entirety, has been something that I have been pondering for some time.  In this blog I am focusing on loss as related to death in particular. 

I just spent the weekend in Denver at a memorial service for a woman with whom I grew up with.  In many ways she had been given the title of second mom to me and my siblings.   I have known her since I was 5 years old and our families had spent more than a decade celebrating every holiday together.  Her health had been ailing her for quite some time and so Nancy’s death came as more of a blessing than anything.  Sitting in the memorial service, it was hard to describe the feelings that I had.  I was thankful she wasn’t suffering anymore, but there was such a sense of loss with it.  She was the keeper of secrets. And had a memory of things that I had long forgotten or had not even remembered.  Nancy could remember things that I could not.  I had not lived near her for many years but whenever I saw her it was like no time had passed.  She would ask me things about myself that I had long ago lost interest in, had changed my opinion on, or was in process of rethinking what I thought.  I had a history with her that I have not had with any other adult woman. There is such a sense of loss in that.  No one will ever be able to replace that.

I was talking with her daughter, my long time friend Tina, and she said something about our friendship that is so true:  You can’t replace time.  No, you cannot.  It has made me think more and more about time, life, dreams, and desires.  Life is short.  Nancy was nearing 80 but lived a full life.  It was evident by what people said about her at her memorial.  As I listened to what people were saying, but set my gaze on the absolutely majestic Rocky Mountains, I began to think about the concept of a full life for myself.  I ask these questions of myself, but I encourage you to ask them of yourself as well.  Am I living to my full potential?  Am I living well?  Am I allowing myself to dream and create?  These are just a few to get you started.   

I am in the process of asking myself these questions with no conclusions as of yet, but I am enjoying the process of asking them and letting my heart, soul, and thoughts go where they go.  Nancy was not perfect by any stretch of the imagination; however, I believe she did not have regrets at the end.  I don not want to have regrets either.

Melissa