Stuck in an Affair

John is stuck between his loyalty to his wife and his love for another woman. For the past few weeks, he’s been vacillating between them, hoping for a clear indication of which one will bring him maximum happiness or minimum regret.

He spends a lot of time focusing on these two women in his attempt to discover a measure of certainty, but fears the risk of choosing one over the other. If John doesn’t change his focus, he will likely remain trapped in his confusion until his circumstances degenerate to a point where one or both of his options remove themselves. If this happens, if his choice becomes a choice by default, he will not find much lasting contentment in it.

John is making a critical error. He has failed to understand that unless his decision is based on a firm conviction of who he is and who he is becoming, he is like a rudderless boat caught in a storm, waiting to see which way the wind will blow him. He needs a rudder. He needs a firm conviction about the direction of his life. The clearer that vision becomes to him, the easier this choice will be.

Honestly, once a man is caught up in the emotional turmoil of an affair, it is very difficult for him to pull himself out long enough to give careful consideration to his direction. The passion of his heart is so strong that, once it is set in motion, he feels it must take its course. I have been witness to the numerous shipwrecks at the end of these journeys. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you are caught in the kind of crisis I’ve described here, get some help. Talk to a counselor, or a pastor, or a healthy friend. Find your rudder and then move with purpose. But if you are not in this place, all the better. Do the work of rudder-building now while the waters are relatively calm. You’ll be better prepared for whatever waves are ahead.

Tim Tedder
Note: This is part of a longer article titled Stuck Between Wife and Lover posted on AffairHealing.com.